The Xmas Debate

By: David Peasgood
Date: 25/12/2000

David Peasgood this week finds Bert and Fred are unwrapping Xmas pressies. Hear their views and YOU decide in our latest 'fishy' poll.

The Xmas Debate

The Grovesy Debate

FRED:
Hey, a bumper pack of 'Sterident. Thanks Bert.

BERT:
That's alright Fred. I assume this chrome cleaner and duster is from you?

FRED:
Yeah. To clean your zimmer frame up. I bought you them incontinence pants too.

BERT:
Good thinking on both counts. But what would you get the town mob for Xmas if you had the cash?

FRED:
Well I'd give Brian Huxford a big thank you for his patience and determination, and I'd give the nimby's of Great Coates big photos of the Humber bank factories and chimneys.

BERT:
What for?

FRED:
Well they can stick them on their windows once the stadium is built and still enjoy their apparent favourite scenic view.

BERT:
I'd get Lennie Lawrence a linguaphone course, but which language? Dutch? Norwegian? Danish? German? Chinese?

FRED:
Yeah I wonder where the foreign lads are having their Xmas dinner today? Imagine the menu to suit that lot? Turkey and cranberry sauce with three veg, brown cheese, sauerkraut and fried rice, then edam and biscuits for desert. Maybe even some corned beef thrown in for the Argentinian lads too.

BERT:
I hope that isn't a racist joke Fred.

FRED:
Don't be daft. I have to take my hat off to town and say the foreign lads have been a breath of fresh air. Reminds me I'd buy Buckley a telescope for Xmas.

BERT:
Why a telescope?

FRED:
Well he said we couldn't find players beyond the West Midlands and we nearly believed him. A telescope should help him see beyond the end of his own nose.

BERT:
I'd give free transfers to Grovesy and Kingsley Black. They've been good club servants and deserve a chance at a lower level now.

FRED:
Well I still don't know about Grovesy but I'd let Clare, Jeffreys and Buckley junior go too, and the money saved can be a present for the bank manager.

BERT:
I'd buy some sensible long skirts and wooly tops for them girls in the club offices. Far too revealing what they wear. Gives me the shakes when I go in. I have to keep me hands in me pockets.

FRED:
I bet you do!! Hey that old bloke Billo what owns the 'Electronic Fishcake' would you get him 'owt for Xmas?

BERT:
Yeah. A decent memory. He forgets what he's doin' half the time. As for that son of his Nicko, I'd give him a good slapping for never picking my picture captions as the winner.

FRED:
That isn't the point. As for that Rob Sedgwick he needs an 'aircut for Christmas.

BERT:
But he hardly has any hair left. That's what following Grimsby has done for him. It's been nice this year though to see the Fishcake grow and also to see the friendliness between it and the official site.

FRED:
Well I should hope so too. We do support the same team don't we?

BERT:
That we do. And to all our readers out there young and old alike, a merry Christmas and get your butts down to Blundell Park for the new year…

FRED:
I'll second that. Now lend me your teef, I fancy a bit of toffee.

Now for the vote...

The Xmas Debate is in 5 parts

Add To Facebook

This site is by the fans, for the fans, and we will consider articles on any subject relating to the Mariners whether it be related to current news, a nostalgic look back in the past, a story about a player, a game or games in the past, something about Blundell Park or football in general. Click here to submit your article!

Related Stories

• Fred and Bert
• From Us To You
• Billo's Speech
• More Stories