02/03 Notts Co Part 2

Notts County 3 Grimsby Town 1
02 Mar 2004, Nationwide League Division 2

Antoine-Curier stooped and conquered, nodding the ball past Pettinger from inside the six-yard box.

Another dreadful goal, for Barras hadn't done anything mind-blowing, just the standard roll around the back, and several Town players were still in the flightpath when he nodded back. Yeah, he nodded back, we nodded off. Movement lacking, thought lacking. The corner was daft too, for County had pumped the ball behind Ford and Pettinger had raced out of his area. The incredible shrinking goalkeeper got to the ball first and managed to volley the ball out for a corner while standing only a couple of yards from the touchline.

Town responded by driving up the other end and forcing a corner, with Mansaram twisting and turning past a defender and getting to the bye-line. Passing to the unmarked Jevons would have been better. The corner was half cleared to Hockless, about 25 yards out in the centre, who smacked a half volley goalwards. The ball deflected off the last defender as it was heading for the bottom left corner.

Hasn't Hockless got a long throw.

A few minutes later Town had their one other effort in the first half. Jevons and Thorpe combined down the left, with Thorpe rolling past his marker and dragging a low cross into the near post. Mansaram, about 10 yards out, eventually reacted, taking two strides towards the ball. The goal gaped. His right foot went back. He missed the ball, and it continued across goal towards Jevons, before being scrumpled away.

So far, you may be thinking, not so bad. Oh it was. The right-hand side was a no-fly zone for Space Cadet and his little munchkin: Richardson roamed at will, with Caskey and Oakes hitting a succession of dinks and clips over to the balding ballroom blitzer. Town just kept on getting away with it, usually through a poor cross, or Armstrong doing something unusual, and curiously interesting: he defended. The attack became a one-man operation, big-hearted Thorpe alone against the elements, and someone offered £5 for proof of Stuart Campbell's existence.

Near the half-hour mark County attacked down the Town left, and the ball was knocked out for a throw-in. In it went, flicked off to Baldry, who jinked past the red dwarf at left-back, the fading star, shrinking, glowing, the energy dwindling. Caskey made a diagonal run into the box, while Heffernan drifted away from Armstrong, who had shuffled across to block the near post. Baldry hit the bye-line and chipped the ball over Armstrong. Heffernan raced into the middle and, from inside the six-yard box, stopped and headed across Pettinger, who half carried the ball into the net on the left.

A very good, though simple, team goal. It was if they knew what to do. Doesn't it just take the joy out of the game, all this coaching stuff. What happened to spontaneity?

And Town imploded.

Armstrong pushed Antoine-Curier 20 yards out, in the middle. Oakes took ages before leathering the ball way over the bar as Pettinger hopped left and right, Barnard flirted with standing on the line and Town generally looked a little confused. County pressed again, on Town's right, and were repelled.

"I never thought I'd ever say we miss Stacy."
"Are you going for a hike after the game?"
"No-one could ever accuse Ford of using performance-enhancing drugs."
"There's no hot air in the men's toilet."
"Their mascots have human legs!"