On The Rebound: Rushden Report

Grimsby Town 1 Rushden and Diamonds 0
17 Apr 2004, Nationwide League Division 2

"My, what a big stand you have, but why the frilly curtains?". Yes, why the frilly curtains in the window? We demand answers from Furneaux! And did Fenty put them up himself?

Who says the board aren’t forward thinking; the bars and bistro’s underneath the Pontoon were packed. That cappuccino café culture has really been a hit: the Pontoon was again the most filled part of the stadium. Perhaps the Main Stand will get the Korova Milk Bar next season?

The new Town warm up is so dull, isn’t it. It’s like a pub game where before kick-off you all kick the ball into one goal, pump in a few crosses and whoever catches the ball is goalie.

Town lined up in a 4-4-2 formation, mostly with footballers, as shown. The substitutes included the dribble artist formerly known as Hockless. A new haircut for a new day, but ridic-alic-alic-olously racoonish. D’you think Law keeps mistaking Thorrington for Hockless, so the king of the wild frontier has to make it obvious that he’s the young pretender, not the seldom glimpsed Americano? You can glimpse his head on page 17 of the programme if you want, but try convincing an independent panel of experts that it’s Thorrington’s torso upon which the noddle is perched. Didn’t Michael Caine star in that? Ah, the line up. Crowe at right back, Barnard finally back at left back, with Campbell in the centre of midfield. Bunting was strewn across the Pontoon, a marching band stomped up and down the Main Stand: Law had selected a team. The right players in the right places, he’d finally stopped playing Grieg’s piano concerto by Grieg.

Rushden ran up and down between cones, well, they’re used to that in Northamptonshire: roadworks on the M1 and all that. Some of the more outlandish hair had disappeared, though Bungalow Hanlon was every inch a mullet-headed Saxon mother’s son. From afar their keeper’s black mopness didn’t appear to be worthy of prodding with a sarcastic stick, but up close it was revealed as a greasy straggle kept out of his eyes by a headband. He’d left his sunglasses on his Vespa; Ciao baby. And, as you all expected, Rushden played in their famous yellow away kit.

1st half

The Irthlings kicked off towards their own supporters, pumping the ball out towards their left touchline. Crowe stooped and guided a backheader to Fettis, who wellied a drop kick out to the Town right. Anderson sprung above his marker and nodded the ball down the touchline and - wazzoomer! - Rankin is back, with a capital b.a.c.k: The crowd up on their feet within 20 seconds. Our Isaiah sprinted to the ball, rolled and twisted around his nominal marker and was free inside the penalty area, near the bye-line. He advanced a couple of strides, looked up and saw endless possibilities before him. He chose the 3-1 option, Campbell at the near post, who slid and missed the ball about ten yards out. The ball rolled near Mansaram, but he was confused by all these colours, shapes and noise. Ball cleared scruffily.

Another minute, another Town effort. Pressure, pressure, Rankin rousing the rabble, Rushden rubble, Barnard looping a half volley from 25 yards that clattered into the first row of seats behind the goal. Back again, Town, all Town, just a couple of minutes gone; Diamonds dallying. Rankin again, terrific and terrifying, rumbling around and laying off a short pass to Campbell, twenty yards out, whose shot was blocked by a flying breadstick. A corner; Turley flapped, flopped and phewed as the ball was scurried away. The fans breathless, Town battling, battering these bottom suckers.