03/04 Sheff Wed Part 2

Grimsby Town 2 Sheffield Wednesday 0
03 Apr 2004, Nationwide League Division 2

Into the area, dismissing a challenge and ignoring the waving Jevons unmarked at the far post, Rankin smirked a low shot straight at Pressman from a narrow angle. And that’s just about your lot from Town. Come back in quarter of an hour, I might have some good news for you.

The flow of the game seemed to change after about fifteen minutes, the referee suddenly decided to give Sheffield’s second team a series of free kicks. Coldicott superbly dispossessed Mustoe about 25 yards on the centre right, with a rolling, hooking, sliding conjuring trick. Err, why a free kick? Oh dear, Cooke and Brunt standing confidently above the ball. Brunt took three steps then cuddled the ball over and around the wall. Fettis clambered across, the ball crawled over the crossbar, surfing the roof of the net, exciting the distant tourists. Another minute, another rotten decision with play allowed to continue despite a foul out on Town’s left. The ball hibbled and bibbled through the area, falling to Proudlock eight yards out. He swivelled and spooned the ball way over the bar. The referee gave a corner, despite no Town flesh being near. When you see the words "for a Wednesday corner" the next line is "and Edwards headed clear". That’s what happened over and over again.

Proudlock swivelled and spooned, a description of what he does, or what Wednesday fans want to do to him? At least he’s got rid of that ridiculous blue stripe.

La-di-da, mumble, mumble, think of a number, sing a song of sixpence. I’m just trying to divert your attention from the game, for it was a cultural desert. Wednesday had the ball, Town sat on the edge of the penalty area and cleared. Fettis kept pinching himself to stay awake. The only South Yorkist to cause a frisson of fear was the unpronounceable fire, N-N, who twisted and turned rather beautifully. Town simply smothered him with two and three defenders, forcing him to pass. Out of all this, just one little moment of concern flickered across the face of the Pontoon. Geary bundled down their right into space after a Town breakette had been stopped. He looked up and from about 20 yards out wobbled a cross in towards the near post. The ball seemed to get stuck on a thermal floating, wibbling, then flopping about four yards out. Fettis stuttered and stayed on his line but, don’t worry, Edwards glided across the turf and smooched the ball away from danger.

On the half hour Town got a free kick about 30 yards out on the centre right. Can’t remember why, I think Rankin asked nicely. You see good manners cost nothing. I bet he opens the door for old ladies too. Anderson tickled a long cross beyond the far post. No Wednesday defender bothered moving as Crane stumbled backwards near the corner of the six yards box, stretched his neck out and nodded the ball back across the face of goal. Pressman was still moored in the marina as his fellow defenders of the blue and white faith watched the ball loop, droop and drop slowly in to the bottom left corner of the goal. CRANE had scored and he turned to the Osmond Stand asking many questions, receiving many replies. And the referee booked him.

Let’s see what happened next? The ball dropped into the area and Proudlock thought a paper bag was the ball? The horse fell over the quick brown fox? Nothing so interesting I am afraid. Wednesday continued to give the appearance of a team attacking, but all they really did was make pretty-pretty patterns in the middle of the pitch, passing the ball out of play time and time again. They won some corners (see above for next line); they had a few long throws (see above, substitute Edwards for Crane); they won a few free kicks (don’t see above).

"Why is yours yellow and everyone else has a white one?".
"I promise you we’ll win 4-0".
"I said I was you and she believed me until she looked on the internet."
"This is too easy, there has to be a catch".
"What use is a horse without a cart. Are you talking about Warhurst again?"