02/10 Cheltenham Part 2

Grimsby Town 1 Cheltenham 1
01 Oct 2004, Coca Cola League 2

Transit Stan chugged forward, past one, two, three, four, five, six blades of grass. Twisting, turning, spinning himself into a ball of confusion it would have been simpler to pass to a team-mate, especially those ones unmarked on the edge of the penalty area. Pinault had a shot, it wasn’t very good. The referee maddened with an arbitrary decision to give them a free kick when Big Bloke number 9 fell over his own feet. From about 25 yards out one of their anonymous players chipped the ball anonymously over the bar. It isn’t worth doing a DNA test to work out who did it, but I shall blame McCann, simply because he didn’t sign for us two years ago. He seemed to be a sort of Kingsley Black lite. The heavy one wasn’t much cop.

Where are we now? Not half an hour gone and a few things almost happened. At some point Gordon skipped forward, daintily avoiding any nettles as he advanced from the half way line. About a zillion and one yards out he flabbled a huge dipper just over the bar. Isn’t that what fly-fishermen do?. Oh, alright, he kicked the ball and it went a foot above the crossbar for a goal kick. I still say he should have flabbled his dipper a little bit more. Fleming sent Parkinson free with an arcing swipe down the right. There were no Town players in the box, so, from a very narrow angle, Parkinson cracked a shot into the side netting. Pingu probably had another shot, trying so very hard to make up for his bloopeur. Poor old professor Pinault, he was so obviously restricted by his injury, with none of those lady-pleasing extravagant shrugging turns. You see, that’s the trouble with Frenchies, they just can’t perform when they have a problem with their groin.

Ooh look they’ve got Brian Wilson in their team, enough to make anyone smile. He got around a bit, even being flagged offside and almost collapsing in faux disgust. He was only 4 yards offside, so it was close. Erm, hang on, there must be more to this half than that? Reddy, ah yes, Reddy he ran around a lot and once almost got behind the defence, knocking the ball over the last defender, but the goalie came out and caught it, Fascinating and vital information there. Ooh, didn’t Macca do a cross? Yes! He did. He crossed it and it was cleared. Edge of the seat stuff this, so many people on the edge of their seat deciding when exactly to go and get a balti pie. Too late, they sold out. I am almost certain that a Cheltenham player kicked the ball towards Williams, and that it rolled 8 yards wide to the left of goal. Perhaps I was hallucinating. Parkinson was sliced in two by a fair-haired Cheltenhamite, as the pesky scamp scuttled down the left and cut inside near the corner of the penalty area. A booking and a terrible Pinault shot followed.

In added time Town got a corner. There was a scramble, another scramble, a half shot and then it was over. Is that it? Yes, that is it, everything you wanted to know about Town but were too afraid to ask. It was dull, one-sided, but there was a rumble in the Town stomach. It was too one-sided; they hadn’t had a shot really, but something daft was going to happen, you could just tell.

"I was in Sheffield two hours ago. Sestanovich still is."
"He’s either caught a fish or offside"
"How many times do I have to rip up this paper before it gets to the moon?"
"I’m uncomfortable with happiness, that’s why I sit in the Pontoon"
"I was caught by the Tesco jam. Did anyone get here before kick-off?"